My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
