I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize