You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
