just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
