if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
