Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
