You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
