How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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