What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
