i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
