So drunk its hurt
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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