i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
