I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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