The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
