what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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