highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
only you would photoshop your dick
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
