Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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