Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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