I wanna bring you to show and tell
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
