my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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