I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
