When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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