This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
