Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
