I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
