Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
