Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize