he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
