Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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