allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
as a side note pls kill me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
