How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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