Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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