you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
