i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Floor bacon is actually really good
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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