Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
