I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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