i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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