I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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