this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
