made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
