Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
