my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
