my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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