one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
