i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
