I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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