I wish I could teleport
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
