You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize