I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
