never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
