I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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