I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize