His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
