I just threw up on my dentist
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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