i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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