I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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