My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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