i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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