Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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