Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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