Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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