Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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