bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
