Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
