Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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