By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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