your room smells of hookers.
And success
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize