Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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