i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
