I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
