if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
