i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize