Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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