I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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