Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
