I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
