I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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