There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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