I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize