Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
