I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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