i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize