tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
