took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
