I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
