we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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