my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
