He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
