If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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