Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
