we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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