You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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