If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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