he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
