The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
