glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
