Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
