i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
