Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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