There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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