My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
