His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
