did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
