The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
