Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am available for nakedness
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
