the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
