Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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