How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
