I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
