Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
