She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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