ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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