I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
