My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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