I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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