At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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