I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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