I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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