Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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