I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
