so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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