I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
