I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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