Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she smelled like a LAN party
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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