i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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