Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
