You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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