She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize