She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
