I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
