So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
