Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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