how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
